Media today is so much click bait! The information that we read is rewritten, scrubbed, and hyped to draw us in, but then it gets too long, has too many names, so we don’t read to the end- and the end is where the article usually hides important information.
Your child’s behavior is the same way. Acting out is large and frightening and seems out of control- and the first this we want to do is control it. But- and this is huge, maybe control is not what the behavior needs- maybe it needs a secure place to play out, then the child can process the feelings that cause the outburst. The information that hides at the end of the behavior is the most important- read to the end– talk or draw or play.
Be patient with yourself and your child; set limits- read to the end. Behavior is an article, there is incredible information- about independence, fear, learning, expectations, tiredness- and in the heat of the moment, reading to the end is hard.
Sometimes an article is worth sharing- same with your child’s behavior- verbalize what you are seeing “Something about your homework is making you angry”, “Today made you tired, I can see you need a place to be sad”, “I understand that you are upset, you can have 5 minutes to yourself, but we need to get ready to go to dance class after that”.
Read to the end– a child who is given limits and understanding, a place for secure emotional exploration and regulation and love becomes a compassionate human. Here’s the surprise- the behavior article might be a very long read- even years long- but the results are fantastic- a child who can read to themselves to the end!
“Kids are resilient, they can adapt to this”; “don’t worry, our children are resilient”- what does that even mean?
Resiliency is the ability of a person to adjust to, or recover readily from illness, adversity, major life changes, etc. according to dictionary.com.
In children, resiliency should look more like growth and psychological strength than adaptability to the situation. There are so many ways to provide a safe, secure environment for growth so that children become resilient adults.
Create a safe, calm, secure environment: Use the connection you already have with your child, take a break from the media, use measured breathing, make a place where they feel safe communicating their feelings to you without judgement
Structure, structure, structure!: All humans do better and feel more secure when they know what is going on- children especially. Difficult times due to issues outside of our control breeds insecurity. Explain changes in schedules, allow the child space to express feelings regarding changes. If you are able, allow for choices- this can give your child a sense of control.
Catch them being good: Notice the calm moments, notice good choices, notice acceptance of changes- all this stuff is uncomfortable and difficult- complimenting your child on growth behavior will encourage more growth!
That’s great- but I’m not feeling very resilient myself as a parent- how do I do this for my child?
Communicate your feelings- the good and the ugly, use “I” statements (when____happens, I feel _____). When you use specific feeling words, your child learns appropriate expression
Model and teach empathy- caring for other people, pets, plants, respecting other cultures and beliefs. When you show caring, your child learns empathy for their world
Show vulnerability with failure- this one is hard- model how to handle rejection- it is ok to be angry, it is ok to need to apologize, it is ok to need to improve or change. Failure or rejection is just an event, it is not a flaw or a character trait. When you show vulnerability, your child learns how to process
Create boundaries and limits- consistent expectations across environments if possible. Consequences for behaviors also need to be consistent also. When you set limits, your child learns that they are safe
I love the idea of resiliency; but it is learned, we are not born with it. Providing our children with environments and opportunities for growth and expression will produce healthy, resilient adults.
Karen Williams, M.S., LPC- Associate
under the supervision of Melinda Porter, M.A. LPC-S
I remember talking with my Mom years ago and she said, “You have to love yourself before you can love someone else.” What a hard lesson that is to learn! People pleasers can so quickly give someone else the respect and love that all, including oneself, deserve. Frequently, however, oneself is very far down the priority list for self-care and self-love. Let us take a minute and look at ways to transition that love and respect to self.
What are some of the beliefs or sticking points you have in your head? Many times, individuals pick up patterns from the past and drop them right in the middle of their present situation. Finding the strength and skills to resist old patterns is difficult. The patterns are connected to feelings of numbness, regret, fear, guilt, or shame. Whatever the emotion is, it is powerful in the mind of someone that does not love themselves.
In order to break the patterns, we have to challenge the belief. How do you do that? Great question. Look at what is real / not real. What is fact vs. feeling?
Breaking the patterns for them.
In many relationships, we forget to fill our own cup first; that way we have something to pass on to the next person. Take time to develop an understanding of self and what you need in a relationship, such as, time with a partner or conversations that affirm there is still a connection. In dating, you should find yourself comfortable with being honest. Being honest does not mean telling every single thing about yourself in the first two minutes of meeting someone, but being honest in the moments you are in and not feeling the need to leave out information or ‘make it sound better’. Your story, your life is enough.
My hope for you is that you love yourself enough to fall in love and maintain a relationship if that is the goal, and at the end of each moment you continue to love yourself.
What is your first memory? What emotions and actions surround that memory? My first memory is when I was about 3 years old, after an injury- I was in the hospital, the doctor thought I was a boy, I was afraid and in shock. Child development tells us that memory is attached to language development and strong emotion. My memory is attached to fear- unfortunate, but true.
When we remember events from our distant past- how do we know that they are real memories or if we are remembering things incorrectly? Do the facts of the event really matter? Take my memory, for example, I remember wearing my brother’s red snowsuit, my father remembered the event in warmer weather. The details in this case add nothing to my perception of the event.
From a counseling perspective, the memory isn’t as important as the perception of the event and the emotions surrounding the event. If fear is the predominant emotion surrounding a memory, the majority of that memory’s facts will be colored by that fear. If happiness is the emotion, then the memory will lean toward joy.
In counseling, we explore more perception than an event; but that exploration in no way downplays the facts, especially if those events are traumatic. Counseling can help resolve and align the emotion with the memory, building a stronger connection, and the ability to use both the memory and the emotion to grow. What memories do you need help with?
Millions of people around the world confront addiction, and only a few find their way out. The prime reason behind it is the fact that dealing with addiction is extremely hard. The hard situations or just-for-fun thing that started it all can make things even harder if you don’t deal with addiction right away. Any type of addiction can make your life miserable. However, if you are ready to quit your addiction and looking for a supportive counseling team, MCP Counseling has got your back. They can help you in any of the following addictions and others.
The most famous substance addiction around us is tobacco consumption. The USA alone contains over 50 million tobacco addicts. Surprised, right? If you are unfortunately addicted to Tobacco and are trying to quit, MCP can help straighten yourself up. They have a thorough check and tracking system that helps them make their counseling effective.
Troubling almost every household in the world, gaming has become an extremely common problem of the present era. With the tech boom and easy access, not just kids even thousands of adults have got addicted to this psychological trap. Getting away is not easy but it is possible. MCP Counseling provides therapy for kids as well as adults to cast them out of this encaptivating magic.
You may think of alcohol as the drink from the heavens but it has captured many to the extent of addiction. One out of eight Americans is an alcoholic, so don’t worry if you are one of them. MCP Counseling aids you in moving toward a better life with some very simple steps (we will discuss them later in the content).
How MCP Counseling Can Help?
They take some general yet thorough steps that reflect their successful record in the past. These steps include:
Practice life skills
Find a healthy support system
Handle depression or anxiety
Teens, adults, couples, families can schedule an appoint today by calling (469) 701-2333