I remember talking with my Mom years ago and she said, “You have to love yourself before you can love someone else.” What a hard lesson that is to learn! People pleasers can so quickly give someone else the respect and love that all, including oneself, deserve. Frequently, however, oneself is very far down the priority list for self-care and self-love. Let us take a minute and look at ways to transition that love and respect to self.
What are some of the beliefs or sticking points you have in your head? Many times, individuals pick up patterns from the past and drop them right in the middle of their present situation. Finding the strength and skills to resist old patterns is difficult. The patterns are connected to feelings of numbness, regret, fear, guilt, or shame. Whatever the emotion is, it is powerful in the mind of someone that does not love themselves.
In order to break the patterns, we have to challenge the belief. How do you do that? Great question. Look at what is real / not real. What is fact vs. feeling?
In many relationships, we forget to fill our own cup first; that way we have something to pass on to the next person. Take time to develop an understanding of self and what you need in a relationship, such as, time with a partner or conversations that affirm there is still a connection. In dating, you should find yourself comfortable with being honest. Being honest does not mean telling every single thing about yourself in the first two minutes of meeting someone, but being honest in the moments you are in and not feeling the need to leave out information or ‘make it sound better’. Your story, your life is enough.
My hope for you is that you love yourself enough to fall in love and maintain a relationship if that is the goal, and at the end of each moment you continue to love yourself.