Love you. Really, love you first.

Love you. Really, love you first.

I remember talking with my Mom years ago and she said, “You have to love yourself before you can love someone else.” What a hard lesson that is to learn! People pleasers can so quickly give someone else the respect and love that all, including oneself, deserve. Frequently, however, oneself is very far down the priority list for self-care and self-love. Let us take a minute and look at ways to transition that love and respect to self.

What are some of the beliefs or sticking points you have in your head? Many times, individuals pick up patterns from the past and drop them right in the middle of their present situation. Finding the strength and skills to resist old patterns is difficult. The patterns are connected to feelings of numbness, regret, fear, guilt, or shame. Whatever the emotion is, it is powerful in the mind of someone that does not love themselves.

In order to break the patterns, we have to challenge the belief. How do you do that? Great question. Look at what is real / not real. What is fact vs. feeling?

Breaking the patterns for them.

In many relationships, we forget to fill our own cup first; that way we have something to pass on to the next person. Take time to develop an understanding of self and what you need in a relationship, such as, time with a partner or conversations that affirm there is still a connection. In dating, you should find yourself comfortable with being honest. Being honest does not mean telling every single thing about yourself in the first two minutes of meeting someone, but being honest in the moments you are in and not feeling the need to leave out information or ‘make it sound better’. Your story, your life is enough. 

My hope for you is that you love yourself enough to fall in love and maintain a relationship if that is the goal, and at the end of each moment you continue to love yourself.

 

Much Respect,

Melinda

What is in a Memory?

What is in a Memory?

What is your first memory?  What emotions and actions surround that memory?  My first memory is when I was about 3 years old, after an injury- I was in the hospital, the doctor thought I was a boy, I was afraid and in shock.  Child development tells us that memory is attached to language development and strong emotion.  My memory is attached to fear- unfortunate, but true.

Play Therapy with KarenWhen we remember events from our distant past- how do we know that they are real memories or if we are remembering things incorrectly?  Do the facts of the event really matter?  Take my memory, for example, I remember wearing my brother’s red snowsuit, my father remembered the event in warmer weather.  The details in this case add nothing to my perception of the event.

From a counseling perspective, the memory isn’t as important as the perception of the event and the emotions surrounding the event.  If fear is the predominant emotion surrounding a memory, the majority of that memory’s facts will be colored by that fear.  If happiness is the emotion, then the memory will lean toward joy.

In counseling, we explore more perception than an event; but that exploration in no way downplays the facts, especially if those events are traumatic.  Counseling can help resolve and align the emotion with the memory, building a stronger connection, and the ability to use both the memory and the emotion to grow.  What memories do you need help with?

Best Thoughts,

Karen Williams, LPC-Associate

under the Supervision of Melinda Porter, LPC-S